Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think my mom watched the whole time
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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