He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
