omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
