i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
