scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
