Absence makes the cock grow harder.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
