That's when you crack a 10am beer
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
