i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
