Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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