good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
