The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
wow bdsm is so cute
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