I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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