i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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