I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
