see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize