2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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