Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
