I don't remember. Are we still dating?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
