She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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