i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize