you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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