Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Quick, to the slutcave!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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