Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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