We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
