Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
