I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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