i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
