how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
