I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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