I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
