i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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