I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
