Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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