On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize