He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
