You're my little dorito
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
