you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
