i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
