thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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