When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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