I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
