I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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