:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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