Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my sisters under your porch take her home
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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