Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
