return my video game
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
