It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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