Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
