What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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