note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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