There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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