Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
