Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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