I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize