Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
