U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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