capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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