i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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