this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
FUCK WHALES
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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