You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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