Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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