I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
