the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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