remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am one with the molecules
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
