My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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