I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
