Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
