that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
