How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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