Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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