On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
