I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
