A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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