They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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